香蕉秀

I believe because other people prayed for me when I couldn鈥檛 pray for myself. In 2012, I lost a child to miscarriage. I wasn鈥檛 angry with God; I didn鈥檛 fall away from my faith. But I鈥檝e never been so quiet, so at a loss for words as when I tried to pray. I found I could be still. I could accept that God is my Lord and that this pain was somehow part of His plan. But I couldn鈥檛 see what the next step looked like. My other child was sixteen months old and needed me to get out of bed each morning. The prayers of my family and friends gave me strength to do that. Sometimes their prayer was their physical presence. Other times it was a spiritual support that upheld me when I felt more lost than I ever had before. I knew I鈥檇 never be the same. I also knew I wasn鈥檛 alone. I knew there was a bigger plan. It was pure grace that got me through the months between the loss and my next pregnancy, and then through that pregnancy to term. When I held my next child in my arms, I experienced pure hope. I saw that he鈥攁nd all of us鈥攁re gifts from God. Life is never earned. It is never guaranteed. God is Lord; He is in charge. And He is kind. He is loving. He walks with us when we鈥檙e in pain. We can see it when we open up our hearts to Him. He is also there when there鈥檚 a happy ending, even when it doesn鈥檛 look like we thought it would. There will always be a gap in my heart, in my life, where that child was. But God has used my suffering for good. I鈥檝e connected with many other women who have lost children. We鈥檝e built community together, creating bonds that are so close because of the magnitude of what we鈥檝e lost. We鈥檝e seen that it鈥檚 when we鈥檙e weak that we are strong. We鈥檝e seen that grace is not our own doing, but on God鈥檚 time, in His way.

LINDSAY SCHLEGEL earned a bachelor鈥檚 degree in English and German from Boston College in 2008. She lives with her family in northern New Jersey. For more on Lindsay鈥檚 work, visit